Tag Archives: Personal

My (Alexis Kaye’s) Story in a Nutshell

Dear faithful readers,

Can you please read this and tell me if you think this is enough info on me, or if I ought to turn this into a book about my personal life and maybe add like things I am doing to work to get over the bullying I endured as a kid and how to handle it when it happens as an adult (though I do not know how right now), and to overcome or handle my depression, anxiety, and PTSD? And is there other stuff about me that ought to be included like favorites and least favorites and so on? I’d take out the “_In a Nutshell” if people wanted to read a longer version of my story. Also, is it a story worth self-publishing? I want people to get to know me and at least try to understand why I am the way that I am, and that I am working on overcoming my obstacles and struggles, including my physical and other illnesses (depression, anxiety, PTSD). Also, I want other sufferers to know they are not alone, or a “bad Christian” for having mental/invisible illnesses they are struggling to deal with or overcome.

Please be respectful in comments or they will be deleted (This is to any bullies who may be lurking, not to my readers whom I trust and love).

Thank you!

Alexis

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Alexis Kaye’s Story_In A Nutshell

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey. I was severely teased and bullied, especially in first grade through 9th grade. In 9th grade, 2 of the bullies apologized to me. The others either stopped paying any attention or mind to me at all or moved eventually. Then I moved, with my mom, to northern California in 2000 when I was 17. It was my senior year of high school and I was the new girl. Nobody bullied me, but some people did not believe certain things about me, like that I was a virgin. As they got to know me though, they came around and knew I was honest with them about my values and who I was. I even got respected for being a virgin and for Not drinking Or doing  drugs, and for not smoking.

It was a pleasant change to be liked, but the damage from the emotional abuse and bullying I had endured made me super shy abused had taken its toll on me. Of course it didn’t fully take its toll on me until adulthood, especially after my mom died in 2006, or well, a year previous when I was looking after her. In 2005 I saw just how great a peacemaker my mom had been. And when she died, any peace I had was taken from me too and a part of me died with her.

I suffer from PTSD, and debilitating anxiety and depression that prevent me from being able to work. Whenever I tried to work, from 17 years of age (1st job) to the volunteer job I had a few summers so at the Library a few blocks away, I would get sick or injured and have to stop working. It was severe migraine headaches the first time with my first job at a local movie theater in October of 2000 – as usher or concession stand depending on the day and shift, and there were more days than I would like where the nurse sent me home from school sick because of the severity of them, and I had to leave work early a couple of times. The final time, the lady boss (there were 2 bosses) wouldn’t let me leave even though my mom had come to pick me up. My mom had to step in and tell her that she was taking me home and took me home because of how much pain I was in. And the migraines stayed for several months after I quit my job one month into it.

The 2nd job, at a fast food place on campus where I made sandwiches or handled the payments from customers as cashier, from October 2005 until April 2006 I developed anemia and was missing a ton of my classes at University and work. It got to the point where I had to tell my boss – whom I was blessed was also and mentor and friend since my freshman year – that I was being unreliable and she deserved better and I quit so she didn’t have to fire me, and she was relieved that I quit because she was concerned about my health, and She didn’t want to fire me.

My volunteer job at the local library I enjoyed most in summer 2014-September 2015. I enjoyed it so much I kept working even when I sprained my ankle, or re-sprained it, since I had first sprained it back in 2003. I actually did great until my boss retired and a new lady was hired. We did not get along and she did not help me with rescheduling my story time days when a conflict came up and I had a weekly therapy appointment after starting it after an incident That occurred a few months prior to me beginning therapy. She also did not help me at all with the monthly crafts I was hosting in advertising and picking a day when nothing else was going on. My last craft before I quit only had 3 kids showing up, where prior to that anywhere between 10 to 20 kids plus parents showed up to do crafts with their kids. And shortly after I quit, I realized how burned out I had been because I was sick lots too.

I’ve always had a week immune system, but I notice whenever I work too hard I get overwhelmed and I get sick. When I keep getting sick, I become unreliable as well as unhealthy – so it was not good for any employers or for me. Basically, anxiety and stress become so bad I get physically ill  (and always a different illness) and have to stop working/quit.

When I say I am unable to work, this is why. I am not lazy Or irresponsible. I’m not just making excuses either. I have mental/emotional disabilities that prevent  me from working a regular job (I am a writer, and self-published author). Just because my disabilities are not physical or visible does not make them invalid, excuses, or nonexistent. You (a general “you”, not everyone or anyone in particular) see someone in a wheelchair who doesn’t work and you totally understand because you can see their disability. But people look at me and see nothing wrong so assume the worst about me and judge me without even trying to understand. I sometimes even get bullied for it by people who do not have anxiety, depression or PTSD and so the don’t understand the struggles I face daily or care enough to try to understand on any level at all.

That is why I thank God for blessing me with friends who do understand because they too suffer either from the same invisible illnesses as me or similar ones like bipolar. And I have my relatives in England and 2 in Australia since they moved there who at least want to understand and try to. They don’t really understand, but they try because they love me. I thank God for them too.

In April of 2012 I was saved when I came to the LORD and was baptized after confessing Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I thought that after everything I had heard about Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I would feel different and immediately feel peace. I was disappointed when I didn’t, but my brothers and sisters in Christ assured me that it was a process that took time and not to get discouraged. I have changed, slowly, in the last 5 years and few months, but not significantly enough for my liking. Also apparently not enough for the minister who baptized me’s liking because he kept getting on my case about things and tried making me feel guilty for not being further along in my walk and because of my depression and anxiety. He kept telling me they are sins, which I know, and making me feel guilty. I started going to another church part-time when I needed to get away from the guilt trips and the Pastor at the other congregation said it was wrong to make me feel bad for my anxiety or depression. Also, I know about Elijah and King David and others who experienced either anxiety, depression, or both at one point (like Jeremiah) in the Bible but God never condemned them or judged them or abandoned them. Instead He encouraged them and gave them strength and courage to keep going and to not give up on life or on His purpose for them.

I recently self-published an inspirational book I wrote about my experiences in the past few years turned into advice with Scripture that relates to the topic I talk about. People are motivated buying it. A few did in July, a couple in August and 1 or 2 this month so far but that’s it. I feel invisible and like no one cares, which is how I have felt most  of my life. I am not blaming anyone, but if people did not keep mistreating me, ignoring me, acting like I carry a deadly infectious plague that could kill them, or like dirt/with cruelty then I would not feel like nobody cares or invisible, or unloved and unwanted. I understand now, as an adult, that it is me who is responsible for my levels of joy and peace I have and for my happiness, but I have over 30 years of emotional abuse and poor treatment to overcome, and when both of these things are still ongoing at times, it makes it harder to overcome them and feel joy or peace. I am still learning how it is possible to have peace when people do not want to be around you and those who are around can be emotionally abusive and/or treat me badly. I am learning how it is possible to love myself properly when it appears no one else does.

Jesus and His followers are teaching me, but I am having a hard time learning. I struggle daily just like everyone else. Everyone has their own problems and some similar to mine, others completely different, but struggles nonetheless. But though I struggle daily, it does not make my advice any less valuable or true since it comes from God and I use Scripture to show it/back it up. For those who do not know Jesus or who are confused , or need encouragement, and/or stronger faith in Jesus and in the One True God, I have things to say in my book that could help, if given a chance.

I wrote my book for those who need it, not for those further in their walk than me who do not need a reminder of some truths, if they have not been forgotten by the person who knows them. I am still learning how to take good care of myself, but I have always been good at helping others. Most of my friends used to come to me for advice all the time. And they always said I gave excellent advice. The only thing that has changed in my advice is that I now have even better advice to give through daily Bible study. I try to discern when to use Scripture and when not to, depending on the person and if the are open to it or not, but it is sound advice. And now it is available for everyone to read in the form of an inspirational  eBook and in paperback too.

I have lost friends over the past few years for a couple of different reasons,  but the main reason Is my faith in Jesus and my daily attempts and struggles to live for Jesus daily. And some people have told me I was high maintenance or too much of a downer (the 2nd one I was told like 2 years after my mom passed away when I was still grieving her loss after that hurt after lot). It seems some ca not handle my anxiety and depression anymore and so we either do not talk at all, or rarely do and it makes me really sad. What makes me sadder still is some of them have their own battles with depression and/or anxiety they deal with daily and I no longer know how to reach them and help them through those times because they won’t let me anymore. So they’re not there for me anymore and they won’t let me be there for them. I get it… physical distance separates us, and that’s hard to overcome, but it didn’t used to be and I don’t get why it suddenly is. I don’t judge these friends or hate them or begrudge them. I pray for them a the time and hope one day their lives will turn around for the better and that mine will too and we can all celebrate our better lives, together, in person. I love a my friends, and I still love those who walked away from our friendship too. My love is unconditional and the only way I know how to love, which is the way Jesus loves each and every one of us too.

I want to help those in need more than I do now, but due to not being able to work and book sales not going well, I am currently unable to which leaves me full of anxiety for my friends, and even for those I don’t know who need help that I can’t give them, and it leaves me frustrated because I desperately want to help but can’t; but people who can help will not, just like in my own life. I get some help. I live with my sister rent free because of a promise she made to my mom before she died. But doctors who could help me fix or heal my broken nose, and some other physical illnesses won’t help and aside from being poor and on MediCal for health insurance, I don’t understand their unwillingness to help me get well. And I both know, and know of too many other people with injuries or physical or mental illnesses and no doctors will help them either.

So why do those in a position to help generally either not help or give bare minimum when those who desperately want to help can’t because no money or resources to help? Some who can help do help, and God will bless them, but too who can help in one way or another don’t. I am not trying to many anybody feel guilty And I’m not  judging anyone. I just sincerely don’t get it. I especially don’t get why doctors will not help those who can’t afford to pay or who have MediCal for health coverage. MediCal pays the doctor’s bill, so what’s the problem?

Also, just because someone suffers from an invisible illness where you can’t see their symptoms or daily struggles does not mean they don’t struggle or that they are lepers or contagious or to be treated badly by anyone, whether doctor or nurse, family member or friend, or boss or coworkers for those who do work despite their illnesses, or by any person including strangers. And everyone suffers from physical illnesses differently too so it is not right to judge anyone for not being able to do something someone else can do with the same illness – like asthma, for example. In fact, only Jesus has the right to judge anyone because He alone knows exactly what each of us experiences and goes through everyday, and God gave Jesus alone the right to judge, which will not take place until His second coming – which no one knows when it will take place so we ought to be prepared daily in case it happens tonight or tomorrow!

 

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wr1ghtlexi

August 15, 2017

Hey everyone, before I go to bed, I just wanted to share with you that I am now part of GoodReads. They are reviewing my information to declare my profile to be an author one and since I just filled out the information they asked for, I am waiting to hear from them about it.

You can find my GoodReads profile here: goodreads.com/AlexisKaye

If you want to add me/follow me on there and want me to follow you on there, feel free to add me. I try to follow back as many people as I can, as long as their content is clean and does not go against what I believe (my faith in God). Thank you for stopping by to read my latest update! Goodnight/day everyone and God bless!

 

Link

 

Dear readers,

Last night I received the “green light” I was looking for from God to self-publish my book with Kindle Direct Publishing. I published it last night, and it went live today!!!!!!!! If anyone is interested, here is the link below:

KDP is in the process of making changes to my name I hope because I updated it to “Alexis Kaye Wright” so I will be keeping track of that, but it is ready for sale now. ***Update – It looks like the changes are complete! Woohoo!!! **** It is only $3.99, and if at the end of the 60 day period, when I get paid, if I have enough in royalties to publish it in paperback, I will. But for now, it is eBook only and only with Kindle at the moment. I am so excited I can barely contain it, but the people I want to tell live too far away to tell in person so I am just about to burst with excitement here! I praise the LORD for this incredible blessing of making it my time to be published! His Holy Spirit helped me write it, and I wrote it to glorify God and to reach others and help draw them near to the LORD God.

I prayed without ceasing as I was told to in Scripture (1 Thessalonians 5:17), I committed my plans to the LORD as Solomon instructed in Proverbs 16:3, and now I am super thankful to the LORD for making it happen and that I am now a published author! Thank You LORD, for this amazing blessing!

If anyone does buy it, if they are willing, can you please give me feedback? It is pretty much a compilation of the best blogs I posted on here with a couple of stuff I have not posted here and like acknowledgements and stuff. My hope is this book will bring hope, inspiration, and draw whoever reads it close (or closer) to the LORD. It is a book for anyone whether they are non-believers, non-believers on the fence who are unsure, new believers, and even seasoned believers. And if any seasoned believers read it, if there are any suggestions or comments about my book, please feel free to tell me, in kind respectful ways. God bless to all of you! This would not be possible without you guys for reading my blogs and encouraging me as you have! God gets all the credit, but you, my readers, I also thank all of you.

Quick Question About How to Live_Update

Hello readers,

I just got an unusual comment (did not approve it because it needs clarifying first) on one of my posts where I’d had a revelation from God about something and shared it on here. And based on this comment where I was told what I wrote about might be considered taboo, I would like to ask the following question, and please think about it. You do not have to answer unless you feel compelled to (and if you do respond, please keep it respectful or it will not be approved), but this is the question:

Do we do whatever we do in life to please others, or to please God?

If we live to please others, we may stop doing something God has told us to do (or created us to do, like writing and sharing God’s Word and advice with biblical back up through my writing) because we have offended someone or because we might offend someone. But consider this: Jesus did not stop preaching or teaching His disciples and followers when the Pharisees got offended by some of the things Jesus said. He kept preaching, kept healing, kept doing what the Father (God) told Him to do. So, do we live to please other people, or do we live to please God with the way we live our lives? I think this may be the beginning of a possible full blog post I may write about, because some other things have been happening in my life in regards to this issue of pleasing people verses pleasing God and I feel compelled to write about it, but currently lack the energy to do so at full strength.

So for now, I leave you with this question to silently answer for yourself and I hope to be able to write more about this topic with Scripture and in more depth than now. For now, thank you to my readers for reading this! I love you, and God and Jesus love you unconditionally! May God’s peace be with you!

Attention!! I finally followed through and wrote and posted the promised blog to follow about living to please God and not other people! It has already been read by 2 of my faithful readers (thank you). Now the rest of you/all of you can link it to this post in your minds and possibly go back to the questions above and answer them again. Perhaps your answers will be the same, perhaps after reading my blog covering this topic and giving it thought, you may change your mind/answers. But I encourage you to read my post about pleasing God above people and then come back to this post and answer the questions I posted in here. If it will be easier for you all, I can (if asked) move the questions to the end of the blog I just posted in connection to this one. Let me know. I am here to help!

Merry Christmas!

Luke 2:4-7

4And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David’s ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. 5He took with him Mary, his fiancée, who was now obviously pregnant.6And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. 7She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

Jesus was born this day over 2,000 years ago and fulfilled the prophesy from Isaiah in Isaiah 9:6 –> 6For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Now He reigns above in Heaven with God, the Father and mediates for us at God’s right hand. He loves all of us, including you, unconditionally!

One of my nephews and his mommy (my sister) woke me up at 8am to open presents (which for the first time in several years I actually had some to open). I then ate breakfast and played with both my nephews until a quarter to 11. I had only gotten about an hour of sleep so at abut 11am I went back to sleep until about a quarter to 5pm. Just waiting for Christmas dinner to be done cooking so we can all eat! What did you do today? Whatever it was, I hope it was an amazing day for you all!

Hope everyone had a Blessed, Peaceful, and Joyous Christmas! Lots of love from the Lord and from me!

 

 

From Defeat to Victory, From Worry and Fear to Faith in God

Last night I was reading a couple of inspirational books God has led me to read to boost my faith and deepen and strengthen my relationship with Jesus and Him as a result. A couple of the things I wrote down came from 2 different books. One was on how to be Victorious and when the author mentioned our victory already being won and to remind Satan of his future when he tries reminding us of past mistakes, I immediately thought of Revelations 20:10. In the other book, Romans 4:18-21 was quoted and it jumped out at me so I wrote it down. The other stuff I wrote down in my notes were thoughts that hit me as I was reading both of these books on my Amazon Kindle. I may edit this later if I can find time to re-format this into a proper blog post, but even as it is now, it is still valuable advice I wrote down for myself and want to share with all of you, my readers. I hope this advice blesses us  all and brings a turn around in our favor for each of our situations and trials and that victory is not only mine, but yours too, in every area of your life! I did edit some stuff (changed “I” to “you” or “we” and some other similar changes), but I did not re-format it. If the advice seems confusing as is now, let me know and I will re-format it as soon as I can, otherwise I may leave it as is.  The stuff immediately below was not included in the original notes, so I am keeping them separate for now.

Some things to keep in mind when doubt (or fear) creep into your thoughts and try to take over your life:

First of all, they stem from lies Satan tells us through our circumstances, through other people, or whispers in our ears when we are focused on our problems instead of on Jesus. In order to get rid of the strongholds these lies have on us, we must daily study God’s Word to learn the truth (what God says about our situation). It helps to write out the key verses that speak to the specific situation(s)  or struggles you are worrying about that are present in your life.

From Defeat to Victory, From Worry and Fear to Faith in God

More things to remember when fears and doubts assail you:

1)    King David, even before he became king (after the prophet Samuel anointed him to be king) boldly stated that “the giant” was defying “the armies of the living God” and then asked King Saul if he could fight against Goliath. King Saul eventually said yes, and with nothing more than a sling and a few stones, and a strong and firm faith in God and that God was with Him and had completely prepared him for the battle all those years he clubbed bears and other wild animals that tried to eat his father’s sheep, he completely defeated Goliath. He spoke words of faith and victory before the battle and already saw himself winning through God and that is how he won the battle against the giant named Goliath. Key verses: 1 Samuel 17:26, 32, 34-37, 40-50.

2)    Daniel (Book of Daniel) and his 3 friends Hananiah (also called Shadrach), Mishael (also called Meshach) and Azariah (also called Abednego) had a strong deeply rooted faith in God and it saved Daniel’s 3 friends from burning in the 7X heated furnace (Daniel 3:16-30, key verses 16-18 with their statement of faith that their God could rescue them from the furnace, but even if He didn’t, they would not worship the king’s god) and Daniel from the Lion’s mouth in the Lion’s Den (Daniel 6, key verses 21-22 where Daniel explains to King Darius who had come to see if Daniel was alive, that God had found him (Daniel) innocent in His sight, and so had shut the lions’ mouths so they couldn’t harm him). Daniel and his 3 friends prayed several times a day and worshipped only the 1 true God and believed that God could keep them safe from death, and even if not (his friends said “but even if He doesn’t), they would worship only God because He was the only true God (was implied in what they said). And that is also why Daniel would not pray to anyone other than God and refused to stop praying to God even when some administrators tricked king Darius into coming up with a law that for 30 days no one could pray to anyone or anything other than the king. Daniel and his friends were faithful to God the whole time, and as a result, the king reigning in Chapter 3, and the other king who was reigning in chapter 6, both ended up praising Daniel and his friends’ God and made decrees that He was God alone and that no one was to speak a word against their God (chapter 3), or to tremble with fear before the God of Daniel (chapter 6).

 

  • Prayer and strong and deeply rooted faith in God alone is what made David, Daniel, and Daniel’s 3 friends successful in defeating their enemies and death.
  1. Abraham believed without wavering that God would honor His promise to make him “the father of many nations.” Romans 4:18-21.
  2. Our victory has already been won. Satan’s end has been set (Revelations 20:10), so I and other believers need to remember this truth, accept it, and live life with this truth as a reality. Satan wants us to think that there is still a chance for him to win the battle, and wants to bring as many people down (to eternity in Hell) with him as he can. The key is to remember that Satan’s future is set and can never be undone, and so his future will happen, but our future is with God and Jesus in Heaven because we took the steps (believed God’s truth when we heard it, repented of our sins, confessed Jesus as our Lord and Savior, got baptized in the name of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit – fully submerged under water for a second, and received the gift of the Holy Spirit as a deposit of the promise of eternal life. The Holy Spirit was given also to guide us along God’s path for our lives) to be made right with God through Jesus and faith with works is what is needed to be made right with Him. Through faith we repented, confessed Jesus as Lord and Savior, through faith we got baptized, and through faith we daily take up our crosses to do the will of God/follow the instructions of Jesus for our lives instead of doing what Satan or our flesh (body) wants us to do. When we keep the victory over Satan (Revelations 20:10) and over death (1 Corinthians 15:54-57) in mind, and remember that Jesus healed many who were sick, blind, deaf, mute, lame, crippled, demon-possessed, and other illnesses and raised the dead and that Jesus was Himself raised from the dead by the power of the Holy Spirit, and that that same Spirit lives inside of us who have been made right with the Lord, then we can have a victorious attitude and live out our faith firmly and strongly. We must speak faith-filled words, words of life, of blessing over ourselves and others in order to see God’s promises come to pass. When we speak positive faith-filled words based on God’s promises, we drive out fear, doubt, worries, anxiety, and it can also drive out depression and other negative emotions that bog us down and produce strongholds based on lies Satan told us that we believed, and when we instead begin believing God’s truth and speaking God’s truth over our lives and the lives of others, those strongholds will be broken and we will be set free. This is one of the purposes of the Holy Spirit – to lead us into all truth and for the truth to set us completely free from all bonds, chains, and strongholds of the Devil.

 

  • When the situations in your life appear to go against what God promises and I am tempted to feel depressed, anxious, defeated, stuck, or anything that goes with fear or a defeated attitude, I turn to Scripture (God’s written Word, full of good promises for hope and a future, for life instead of death) – and you can too and do the following too – to see what God says about my particular situation that I am are worried about, or depressed about and speak God’s truth over my situation (out loud whenever possible, even if only in a whisper) and firmly believe what God says about it instead of the lies. It could be that it is a general promise like “My present troubles are temporary but produce for me a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don’t look at the things we see now for they will soon be gone, rather we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen, for the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18) You need to believe you’re your current problems/trials/illnesses are all temporary. God also promises in Psalms 30:5 that “God’s anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” For my sickness, despite what someone else – even another believer might say, the promise in Jeremiah 30:17 is still applicable today, when God says it is – where God declares, “I will give you back your health and heal your wounds.” God might be saying “not yet,” but that does not mean that He is saying “no, not ever.” God only says no when He has a plan for the trial we are going through (including illness), and as soon as the plan is carried out (be it a lesson learned, being a display of God’s mighty power like the blind man Jesus was sent to heal who had been blind from birth, or if we are to help others with the same or similar problems or ailments/illnesses, lack of faith and God is giving us a chance to believe without doubting – for Jesus said “according to your faith may it be done” and “Be encouraged! Your faith has made you well” or whatever the purpose of the trial or illness is), then the healing will be given, the situation will suddenly turn around in your favor unexpectedly and suddenly, and you will see overwhelming victory through Christ because of His love for you.
  • And we are not meant to wait until Jesus comes back for a majority of our promises to be fulfilled, only for certain ones, like the promises of no more pain, separation, loss, tears, new bodies that are unperishable and eternal, and some other promises. But there are promises that I will see come to pass in my lifetime here on earth, when I fully believe without doubting, and when God deems it time to. God has a set time for everything (as we all learn in Ecclesiastes, and Isaiah mentioned something about it in Isaiah 61:2), and we need to learn to trust in God’s timing, even when we don’t understand why He is “taking so long” to honor a particular promise or why there was a “sudden delay” when we thought the promise was about to become reality. God’s ways are higher than our ways and He sees the whole picture, while we only see a glimpse of it right now, so He knows better than we do when the time is right to bring a certain promise to pass in our lives.