Category Archives: Thoughts

My (Alexis Kaye’s) Story in a Nutshell

Dear faithful readers,

Can you please read this and tell me if you think this is enough info on me, or if I ought to turn this into a book about my personal life and maybe add like things I am doing to work to get over the bullying I endured as a kid and how to handle it when it happens as an adult (though I do not know how right now), and to overcome or handle my depression, anxiety, and PTSD? And is there other stuff about me that ought to be included like favorites and least favorites and so on? I’d take out the “_In a Nutshell” if people wanted to read a longer version of my story. Also, is it a story worth self-publishing? I want people to get to know me and at least try to understand why I am the way that I am, and that I am working on overcoming my obstacles and struggles, including my physical and other illnesses (depression, anxiety, PTSD). Also, I want other sufferers to know they are not alone, or a “bad Christian” for having mental/invisible illnesses they are struggling to deal with or overcome.

Please be respectful in comments or they will be deleted (This is to any bullies who may be lurking, not to my readers whom I trust and love).

Thank you!

Alexis

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Alexis Kaye’s Story_In A Nutshell

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey. I was severely teased and bullied, especially in first grade through 9th grade. In 9th grade, 2 of the bullies apologized to me. The others either stopped paying any attention or mind to me at all or moved eventually. Then I moved, with my mom, to northern California in 2000 when I was 17. It was my senior year of high school and I was the new girl. Nobody bullied me, but some people did not believe certain things about me, like that I was a virgin. As they got to know me though, they came around and knew I was honest with them about my values and who I was. I even got respected for being a virgin and for Not drinking Or doing  drugs, and for not smoking.

It was a pleasant change to be liked, but the damage from the emotional abuse and bullying I had endured made me super shy abused had taken its toll on me. Of course it didn’t fully take its toll on me until adulthood, especially after my mom died in 2006, or well, a year previous when I was looking after her. In 2005 I saw just how great a peacemaker my mom had been. And when she died, any peace I had was taken from me too and a part of me died with her.

I suffer from PTSD, and debilitating anxiety and depression that prevent me from being able to work. Whenever I tried to work, from 17 years of age (1st job) to the volunteer job I had a few summers so at the Library a few blocks away, I would get sick or injured and have to stop working. It was severe migraine headaches the first time with my first job at a local movie theater in October of 2000 – as usher or concession stand depending on the day and shift, and there were more days than I would like where the nurse sent me home from school sick because of the severity of them, and I had to leave work early a couple of times. The final time, the lady boss (there were 2 bosses) wouldn’t let me leave even though my mom had come to pick me up. My mom had to step in and tell her that she was taking me home and took me home because of how much pain I was in. And the migraines stayed for several months after I quit my job one month into it.

The 2nd job, at a fast food place on campus where I made sandwiches or handled the payments from customers as cashier, from October 2005 until April 2006 I developed anemia and was missing a ton of my classes at University and work. It got to the point where I had to tell my boss – whom I was blessed was also and mentor and friend since my freshman year – that I was being unreliable and she deserved better and I quit so she didn’t have to fire me, and she was relieved that I quit because she was concerned about my health, and She didn’t want to fire me.

My volunteer job at the local library I enjoyed most in summer 2014-September 2015. I enjoyed it so much I kept working even when I sprained my ankle, or re-sprained it, since I had first sprained it back in 2003. I actually did great until my boss retired and a new lady was hired. We did not get along and she did not help me with rescheduling my story time days when a conflict came up and I had a weekly therapy appointment after starting it after an incident That occurred a few months prior to me beginning therapy. She also did not help me at all with the monthly crafts I was hosting in advertising and picking a day when nothing else was going on. My last craft before I quit only had 3 kids showing up, where prior to that anywhere between 10 to 20 kids plus parents showed up to do crafts with their kids. And shortly after I quit, I realized how burned out I had been because I was sick lots too.

I’ve always had a week immune system, but I notice whenever I work too hard I get overwhelmed and I get sick. When I keep getting sick, I become unreliable as well as unhealthy – so it was not good for any employers or for me. Basically, anxiety and stress become so bad I get physically ill  (and always a different illness) and have to stop working/quit.

When I say I am unable to work, this is why. I am not lazy Or irresponsible. I’m not just making excuses either. I have mental/emotional disabilities that prevent  me from working a regular job (I am a writer, and self-published author). Just because my disabilities are not physical or visible does not make them invalid, excuses, or nonexistent. You (a general “you”, not everyone or anyone in particular) see someone in a wheelchair who doesn’t work and you totally understand because you can see their disability. But people look at me and see nothing wrong so assume the worst about me and judge me without even trying to understand. I sometimes even get bullied for it by people who do not have anxiety, depression or PTSD and so the don’t understand the struggles I face daily or care enough to try to understand on any level at all.

That is why I thank God for blessing me with friends who do understand because they too suffer either from the same invisible illnesses as me or similar ones like bipolar. And I have my relatives in England and 2 in Australia since they moved there who at least want to understand and try to. They don’t really understand, but they try because they love me. I thank God for them too.

In April of 2012 I was saved when I came to the LORD and was baptized after confessing Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I thought that after everything I had heard about Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I would feel different and immediately feel peace. I was disappointed when I didn’t, but my brothers and sisters in Christ assured me that it was a process that took time and not to get discouraged. I have changed, slowly, in the last 5 years and few months, but not significantly enough for my liking. Also apparently not enough for the minister who baptized me’s liking because he kept getting on my case about things and tried making me feel guilty for not being further along in my walk and because of my depression and anxiety. He kept telling me they are sins, which I know, and making me feel guilty. I started going to another church part-time when I needed to get away from the guilt trips and the Pastor at the other congregation said it was wrong to make me feel bad for my anxiety or depression. Also, I know about Elijah and King David and others who experienced either anxiety, depression, or both at one point (like Jeremiah) in the Bible but God never condemned them or judged them or abandoned them. Instead He encouraged them and gave them strength and courage to keep going and to not give up on life or on His purpose for them.

I recently self-published an inspirational book I wrote about my experiences in the past few years turned into advice with Scripture that relates to the topic I talk about. People are motivated buying it. A few did in July, a couple in August and 1 or 2 this month so far but that’s it. I feel invisible and like no one cares, which is how I have felt most  of my life. I am not blaming anyone, but if people did not keep mistreating me, ignoring me, acting like I carry a deadly infectious plague that could kill them, or like dirt/with cruelty then I would not feel like nobody cares or invisible, or unloved and unwanted. I understand now, as an adult, that it is me who is responsible for my levels of joy and peace I have and for my happiness, but I have over 30 years of emotional abuse and poor treatment to overcome, and when both of these things are still ongoing at times, it makes it harder to overcome them and feel joy or peace. I am still learning how it is possible to have peace when people do not want to be around you and those who are around can be emotionally abusive and/or treat me badly. I am learning how it is possible to love myself properly when it appears no one else does.

Jesus and His followers are teaching me, but I am having a hard time learning. I struggle daily just like everyone else. Everyone has their own problems and some similar to mine, others completely different, but struggles nonetheless. But though I struggle daily, it does not make my advice any less valuable or true since it comes from God and I use Scripture to show it/back it up. For those who do not know Jesus or who are confused , or need encouragement, and/or stronger faith in Jesus and in the One True God, I have things to say in my book that could help, if given a chance.

I wrote my book for those who need it, not for those further in their walk than me who do not need a reminder of some truths, if they have not been forgotten by the person who knows them. I am still learning how to take good care of myself, but I have always been good at helping others. Most of my friends used to come to me for advice all the time. And they always said I gave excellent advice. The only thing that has changed in my advice is that I now have even better advice to give through daily Bible study. I try to discern when to use Scripture and when not to, depending on the person and if the are open to it or not, but it is sound advice. And now it is available for everyone to read in the form of an inspirational  eBook and in paperback too.

I have lost friends over the past few years for a couple of different reasons,  but the main reason Is my faith in Jesus and my daily attempts and struggles to live for Jesus daily. And some people have told me I was high maintenance or too much of a downer (the 2nd one I was told like 2 years after my mom passed away when I was still grieving her loss after that hurt after lot). It seems some ca not handle my anxiety and depression anymore and so we either do not talk at all, or rarely do and it makes me really sad. What makes me sadder still is some of them have their own battles with depression and/or anxiety they deal with daily and I no longer know how to reach them and help them through those times because they won’t let me anymore. So they’re not there for me anymore and they won’t let me be there for them. I get it… physical distance separates us, and that’s hard to overcome, but it didn’t used to be and I don’t get why it suddenly is. I don’t judge these friends or hate them or begrudge them. I pray for them a the time and hope one day their lives will turn around for the better and that mine will too and we can all celebrate our better lives, together, in person. I love a my friends, and I still love those who walked away from our friendship too. My love is unconditional and the only way I know how to love, which is the way Jesus loves each and every one of us too.

I want to help those in need more than I do now, but due to not being able to work and book sales not going well, I am currently unable to which leaves me full of anxiety for my friends, and even for those I don’t know who need help that I can’t give them, and it leaves me frustrated because I desperately want to help but can’t; but people who can help will not, just like in my own life. I get some help. I live with my sister rent free because of a promise she made to my mom before she died. But doctors who could help me fix or heal my broken nose, and some other physical illnesses won’t help and aside from being poor and on MediCal for health insurance, I don’t understand their unwillingness to help me get well. And I both know, and know of too many other people with injuries or physical or mental illnesses and no doctors will help them either.

So why do those in a position to help generally either not help or give bare minimum when those who desperately want to help can’t because no money or resources to help? Some who can help do help, and God will bless them, but too who can help in one way or another don’t. I am not trying to many anybody feel guilty And I’m not  judging anyone. I just sincerely don’t get it. I especially don’t get why doctors will not help those who can’t afford to pay or who have MediCal for health coverage. MediCal pays the doctor’s bill, so what’s the problem?

Also, just because someone suffers from an invisible illness where you can’t see their symptoms or daily struggles does not mean they don’t struggle or that they are lepers or contagious or to be treated badly by anyone, whether doctor or nurse, family member or friend, or boss or coworkers for those who do work despite their illnesses, or by any person including strangers. And everyone suffers from physical illnesses differently too so it is not right to judge anyone for not being able to do something someone else can do with the same illness – like asthma, for example. In fact, only Jesus has the right to judge anyone because He alone knows exactly what each of us experiences and goes through everyday, and God gave Jesus alone the right to judge, which will not take place until His second coming – which no one knows when it will take place so we ought to be prepared daily in case it happens tonight or tomorrow!

 

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Reasons to Get My Book (I talk about Hurricane Relief too)

Dear faithful readers,

despite what haters think, I am not begging anyone to get my book. Nor am I being calculating or insincere! I truly care! I did however, think of something inspiring and awesome to do and want to share with you! If you are able to purchase my book in either of the 2 formats it is available in (eBook on Kindle or paperback), I will be able to better help people in need like with Hurricane Relief! Watch and listen what I have to say please!

Reasons to get my book

As mentioned in my video, those affected by hurricanes, tornadoes, fires, flooding, or any natural disasters I am continuing to pray for you and will not cease from praying until God has restored what’s been lost, healed those who lost loved ones, and everyone is safe! If you need me to pray personally for you, please do not hesitate to ask me and I will gladly do it! Jesus loves you! Let’s draw closer to Jesus and help one another rebuild lives that were taken or destroyed (homes, cars, jobs, etc.) ! Together we can make a difference!!!!

Proverbs 11:25 says that “The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.”

And let’s remember Matthew 18:19-20‘s promise that “where two or more agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather as my followers, I am there among them.

Dear Heavenly Father,

I come before You in the name in Jesus asking You to open the hearts and minds of everyone so that they are open to learning the truth contained in Your Word, and also are willing to help others in need during this difficult time after all the Hurricanes, tornadoes, earthquakes, fires, and floods that have taken lives and destroyed others’ ways of living (homes, jobs, transportation, etc.). For those who are in need, may You intervene personally in each of their lives and restore double what was taken from them (Zechariah 9:12), heal and comfort those who lost loved ones, find those who were lost in Hurricane Irma or any of the other natural disasters, and draw us all closer to You in love and truth. In Jesus’ name! Amen

Links to my book:

 

amazon.com/dp/1975611586

https://www.createspace.com/7483987

In a previous post I did a couple of weeks ago, I provided a link that had a list of all countries my eBook is available in, and in a separate post I have links for all countries where my paperback is currently available! If you need these links again let me know please, if you cannot find them!

God bless to everyone who will help me contribute to those in need from natural disaster/Hurricane relief and to everyone who is praying for those in need! And if you are in need, may God bless you to get the help you need!

I am being completely sincere! I cannot work because of disability, so I can’t really help much right now. But with royalties that come to me through sales of my book, I will be able to help more than I can now, and you will be helping too! I am sure there are those of you who have already made donations directly either to Red Cross or family members or friends who have fundraisers to help them get back on their feet, and that is awesome! What I am asking is for you to help me be able to help too because I want to do more and am currently limited in what I can do! It hurts my heart that I can’t do more! Can we please help one another?! I care about everyone, including everyone affected by the Hurricanes and other natural disasters/fires and stuff! I care about all of you and whether or not your soul is/gets saved and you make it to Heaven! Help me spread my love, and let’s all spread our love, to others and to one another! God bless!

wr1ghtlexi

September 12, 2017

I just got a mean and spiteful comment from someone.

Let me make something crystal clear to you (the jerk who tried posting a rude unkind and probably untrue comment on my previous post), and to anyone like him who does NOT have Jesus in their heart or lives:

I write for Jesus and for those who are interested in hearing the truth about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Holy Bible and myself the Scripture contained in it. I write for those who have Jesus in their hearts or who want to have Jesus in their hearts and part of their every day life. 

So if you have no interest in hearing or reading about anything having to do with God or Jesus then you have the option to keep scrolling and to the not read my blogs. But I posted a few years back that I will not tolerate unkindness or rudeness or anyone being mean, and I’m not about to change that now. If you aren’t interested in God or Jesus or anything the Bible has to say, don’t read my blogs. And if you do read it and have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. I don’t write to please everyone, I write to please God and to share my experiences in my walk with Jesus, and to teach those who don’t know the truth but want to, and who seek the truth and who need encouragement and to know they’re not alone in their struggles and who need to know no matter what they do, Jesus loves them and forgives them when they confess their sins (1 John 1:9).

To my faithful readers who keep coming back, and to new readers who will come back in the future, I truly am thankful to God for you. May God bless you greatly! 

Haters back off! 

I pray in the name of Jesus for God to open the minds (remove the veils), hearts, eyes (remove the scales), and ears (remove the plugs from them) of those like the person who left me a hateful comment that I immediately deleted, and also do this for him as well. I know your will is for everyone to be saved (2 Peter 3:9), and that nothing is too hard for You (Genesis 18:14). 

I also so pray for peace of mind also land heart and to not be so sensitive to the negative and hurtful things others say to or about me.

I also pray for unity in Christ with all believers, and that all who are not currently with tooling she LORD to open their minds and hearts, believe and accept Your Truth, which is the only real Truth, and turn their lives around and their hearts to follow Jesus and live for Him. Let things like hate, greed, selfishness, and the problems of the world created by these things (like hate crimes and terrorism and murder, and also sickness, disease, pain, and broken relationships and so on and so forth) melt away and let everyone be united in Christ and show themselves and one another the love of Christ and let us all live in peace and harmony together. I offer all prayers in Jesus’ name!

More on Bullying

Dear Faithful Readers,

I keep hearing or reading about more people being bullied, and a lot of them are adults being bullied by other adults. I wrote a whole post with friends on the subject and #bullying is never okay under any circumstances.

I just did a video talking about it: https://vimeo.com/233074291

I am considering putting my part of the bullying piece I wrote with some friends in my book and then adding some stuff like Scripture and Jesus’ and God’s view on bullying, since They are also against it.

The prophet Elisha got severely mocked by a group of boys and got eaten by two bears, in 2 Kings 2:23-25.

Jesus endured being mocked and bullied for us on the cross before He died and went up to Heaven, but that does not mean that God or Jesus were okay with it.

In Galatians 5:19-20, where the list of following your sinful nature’s desires is mentioned it talks about hostility and dissention, and I would think bullying falls under 1 or both categories and the apostle Paul warns us that such people will not inherit the Kingdom of God. He also warns us in Ephesians 5:4 to stay away from “obscene stories, foolish talk, and coarse jokes” and a little before that in Ephesians 4:29-32 about not using foul or abusive language and getting rid of all harsh words and evil behavior and instead being forgiving and tenderhearted and using words to encourage and build other people up.

The term “bullying” may not be found in these Scriptures (though mocking is similar to bullying, the way the boys were doing it in 2 Kings 2), but it is covered within the text that is used, if you dig deeper and fully understand the whole context of what Paul is saying.

When you bully someone, you make the person feel small and worthless, and kids/teens and even adults have taken their lives because they couldn’t take the bullying or how it made them feel and they felt like it was the only way out. Others have come close to suicide and/or suffered major mental breakdowns because of bullies. Bullies: you need to understand that your words and actions do affect others, and you know that’s your intent. But do you realize how deeply and badly you affect your victims? It needs to stop!

To anyone reading this who has ever suffered from bullying: You are not alone! I have been there, and even in present time there are days where adults who ought to know better bully me anyway. Know also that #Jesus is with you and that He loves you unconditionally! He sees you as fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14 NIV) and as God the Father’s masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10 NLT). There is hope, when it is anchored to Jesus.

I want to do something to help end bullying but since I am unable to work and book sales are not going well, I am very limited in what I can do. But if there is ever anything I can do then let me know, please! I want to help!

Off topic: I am continuing to #pray for everyone in Texas, Louisiana, everywhere else affected by Hurricane Harvey and for people experiencing Hurricane Irma and the other Hurricanes that have formed, and Florida, Georgia, and everywhere else expected to be hit by one or more of these hurricanes! Please continue to pray with me for everyone! And let us also pray for one another where the bullying is concerned. Let us pray for the bullying to stop, for God to deal with them and let us pray for the bullies to turn to God and give up their evil ways and be saved and live for Jesus! God bless to you all!

 

Donate for Disaster Relief in Texas

I just realized that though I may not be able to donate supplies to those in need in Texas, I can help spread word about Red Cross donations for them! Every dollar counts so if $1 is all you can spare, you are helping. I was only able to spare a few dollars myself.

If you cannot help, praying does also help! For newer readers, I wrote a whole blog about the power of prayer and I still believe that prayer is powerful, so when more than 1 person is praying for the same thing (for everyone in Texas in this case), then it makes the prayer even more powerful because Jesus is there as we pray (see Matthew 18:19-20)!

Here is the link for anyone who is able to (and will) donate: https://www.redcross.org/donate/hurricane-harvey?scode=RSG00000E017&utm_campaign=Harvey&gclid=Cj0KCQjw557NBRC9ARIsAHJvVVM4qjk0cChb60aWj2EcWs9ALXvG4bHCdfdm_qA22yt85XcDs5itGOEaAjqlEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds&dclid=COb-3M6Yg9YCFQ3WZAod46UKvQ

Remember this…

God loves a cheerful giver! (2 Corinthians 9:7)! And “those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.Proverbs 11:25

Thank you all for your prayers and to those who have already, or will help either directly send supplies or donate to Red Cross so they can raise enough to give Texas the supplies they need right now!

God bless to all of you! And if any of you reading this are in Texas or have family or friends in Texas, my thoughts and prayers are with you as well!

Please Continue to Pray for Texas!

Dear faithful readers,

As I continue seeing videos, photos, and reading about the updates on the massive destruction done to Texas and the number of people dying rising, my heart continues to break more and more. I am deeply distressed, not only for my friend and her family or for my spiritual family who have family members there, but because Hurricane Harvey is a Monster taking peoples lives, homes, and jobs and just about everything else, and isn’t stopping! Remember Jesus’ promise in Matthew 18:20 that where two or three (or more) are gathered and are in agreement, what they ask for will be granted!

But God made a promise long before that. Who remembers the flood during Noah’s time in Genesis 6-8, and the covenant promise in chapter 9? God flooded the whole world because of people’s wickedness and only Noah and his family survived – only 8 people lived because only Noah’s family would get on the ark and be saved! In Chapter 8 of Genesis, verse 21, God promises “And the LORD was pleased with the aroma of the sacrifice and said to himself, “I will never again curse the ground because of the human race, even though everything they think or imagine is bent toward evil from childhood. I will never again destroy all living things.” And in Genesis 9:11-17 God makes the same promise but elaborates on that promise: “Yes, I am confirming my covenant with you. Never again will floodwaters kill all living creatures; never again will a flood destroy the earth.” Then God said, “I am giving you a sign of my covenant with you and with all living creatures, for all generations to come. I have placed my rainbow in the clouds. It is the sign of my covenant with you and with all the earth. When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will appear in the clouds, and I will remember my covenant with you and with all living creatures. Never again will the floodwaters destroy all life. When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on earth.” Then God said to Noah, “Yes, this rainbow is the sign of the covenant I am confirming with all the creatures on earth.””

Genesis 9:11-17
https://www.bible.com/bible/116/GEN.9.11-17

God promised to never again let a flood destroy the ground or wipe out the human race, and even gave a sign in the form of a rainbow so He would remember this promise He made whenever He sees the rainbow.

Let us include this in our prayer! Will you pray with me?

Dear Heavenly Father, You promised back in the time of Noah that you would never again curse the ground or destroy the whole earth or wipe out the human race in your anger, and even gave Noah the sign of a rainbow as a reminder for You that You would never do it again. We ask you in Your Son Jesus’ Beloved Name to remember this promise you made to Noah and his family and stop Hurricane Harvey and also do not let Irma turn into a Hurricane or tropical storm to form more damage than already done by Harvey, and that You make the flood recede completely. We also pray in the name of Jesus for you to bring comfort, peace, and healing to those who have lost loved ones because of Hurricane Harvey, lost their homes, and/or lost their jobs/workplace and everything else destroyed by the hurricane and restore their homes and workplaces with even better (and Hurricane Proof) homes and buildings for their workplaces. Keep everyone safe from this moment forward LORD. May You do as You promise in Zechariah 9:12 and give everyone affected double blessings for each of their troubles. Thank You LORD, for hearing our prayers!

If anyone can spare any money to help, there are people (via sites like go fund me and other fundraising sites) and Red Cross taking donations to help with food, shelter, and restoration in Texas. Since I am unable to work, I have very limited to give myself, but I managed to give a little bit. Remember, every dollar counts, so if that is all you can contribute, then that is helpful to the cause! If you cannot spare even a dollar, then please keep praying for everyone affected! Thank you for taking time to read this, and for everyone who is praying for everyone in Texas and their family and friends all over!

Link

Update on Paperback_Thanks_Question

Please let me know if you have trouble with the link! Thanks!

Also, please leave your answer to my question in the comments section! Thank you, and again thank you for your patience, my faithful readers! Especially patience for my paperback version of my book!

Also…

I will let you know when it is available to buy again. I discovered when my first 4 books I ordered arrived in the mail yesterday, that my book has no page numbers! I made corrections and just waiting for it to be processed! I do not know how it happened, but it has been corrected, and hopefully I will see that after processing has been finished so I can approve the update and make the paperback available again! God bless and have a good weekend!

Prayers for Texas please! My friend lives in #Rockport and she and her kids are safe in San Antonio, and other family in Tx of hers are safe, but 2 have not been able to make contact with them so please pray they are safe and that everyone in #Rockport and all of Texas (I heard the  Hurricane, now at Category 4, is moving on to Houston soon) have safe places to stay now and have a safe place to return to after, or safe place to keep staying until they have a home of their own to go to, provided by God (and that God provide what the Hurricane has taken away). May God honor His Zechariah 9:12 promise (to give back twice the blessings for each trouble/problem)! Amen!