Category Archives: Stuff About Me

How I Feel About My Mom’s Death

I wrote this poem a couple of days ago after waking up from a bad dream where I could not find my mom and it was close to my birthday and I woke up with overwhelming grief and write out how I felt in my journal and then I wrote this:

“It has been almost 14 years to the day
Since she passed away
My mom is gone, alive on Earth no more
Since being hit by a car in December of 2017, I feel the loss stronger than ever before

Where was God when she felt unloved?

Where was God when her spirit was crushed,
and her heart and soul were broken?
Why did He let her die with her heart not able to be fully open?
Unable to open her heart to receive God’s, mine, and others’ love for her inside.
If she had, maybe she would not have cried and cried, and given up on living (and recovering from her heart attacks), or made the decision to go Home and die.
My Mom’s death left a huge hole in my heart and in my life.
And the worst part is I never got to say goodbye to her while she was still (barely) alive.

God promises me my heart He will mend
And He promises me I will see my Mom again, on the day I die and He brings me Home to Heaven.
But right now I miss her so much it hurts.
And in my life, there are days I see no worth.
I am putting in energy and time to work through my grief.
Death is a rotten, dirty thief!
But deah does Not have the final word.
My pain and tears, God has not ignored.
My health, heart, relationships and everything else will be FULLY Restored!
By the LORD, my God, Whom I love and adore.”

I also read 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 to remind myself that I will see my mom again and be reunited with her forever. I also read verses like Psalms 34:17-20, 147:3 and Zephaniah 3:17 when I am really missing my mom and need to know God cares and is here with me.

Thank you to everyone that takes the time to read this. I miss my mom a lot and the anniversary of her death (June 28, 2006) is coming up… So prayers and hugs appreciated and I keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. ūüíúūüôŹ

P.S. If there is anyone else missing a lost loved one, I can pray for you if you let me know, or we can talk about it if you need someone to talk to. God bless and may God’s peace be with you All!

Being One’s True Self

Being One’s True Self

It is often written about in Bible plans, that it is important to be one’s true authentic self, which means talking about what is going on in your mind, expressing your feelings, confessing failures or other sins, admitting to doubts, and acknowledging your weaknesses. The world is all about idle chit-chat and keep conversation that is comfortable for you, and spending time with someone else when convenient for that person.

But deep conversations can become uncomfortable and outright gut-wrenching at times. And authentic friendships and other forms of authentic relationships are often inconvenient because emergencies arise, crises happen, and when someone needs you, it is not always going to be at a time that is convenient for you. You could be sleeping or at work, but if a family member, friend, or someone else in your life needs you then you need to be willing to stop what you are doing and be there for them, because someday the roles may be reversed and you may find yourself needing that person or someone else and they may be already busy doing something (or sleeping), but when you need help in a crisis then you expect the person you contact/go to, to drop everything and help. But if you are unwilling to help someone in need when they need you, why should they or anyone else drop what they are doing when it is you who needs them or someone else? The person you call on, if you are blessed beyond what you deserve, will come to your aid at once when you call them to, so why wait for that scenario to happen to you before you even consider why it is important to be there for the person who is calling on you in their time of need?

Yet this is what has been happening to me all too often. I used to have grear friends always there for me and let me be there for them, trusted me to be there for them through the good, the bad, the worst, and everything in-between.

And then one day after a few tragedies have occurred, they suddenly lock away their hearts and no longer trust me to be there for them and are unwilling to be there for me. I have no idea why the tragedies in our lives made them retreat, or how to get them back. I pray day and night for them to unlock their hearts and give them first to Jesus and for them, and me (I have trouble with the following as well) to have the blocks removed from our hearts preventing us receiving God’s love and forgiveness and for Him to mend our broken hearts and souls, crushed spirits, damaged minds and psyches and heal our bodies from all brokenness, all sickness, all disease, and all pain, injuries and wounds – known and unknown – and make our hearts able to receive and accept God’s love, forgiveness, and acceptance of us and to accept and receive the healing He promises us.

Not much has changed for some of them, and nothing appears have for 1 person in particular and it is frustrating because I expressed how I feel to him and my needs from him even on a friendship level, but received nothing in return. And with the stuff going on in thr world right now, I reached out (again) but this time to ask how he and his family are doing and make sure they are safe and getting all their physical needs met. And I’ve been praying without ceasing for him to open his heart to Jesus and also to me and to respond and for our relationship to be mended at whatever level God wants it to be. And I have been spending this extra free time I have lately to be in God’s Word more and meditate on the verses that “jump out” at me and make prayers out of them, in addition to the prayers I already pray for everyone all around the world in addition to those I care about. I also speak God’s promises out loud (softly), for others as well as for myself.

But it is not just older/longtime friendships that are disappearing, or where the person is abandoning me and not telling me why. Church family and other “Christians” I met online through a Christian support group I created about 3 and a half years ago who were helping me run the group and support and guide me in private too for a period of time but then ditched me withour a word. So whether someone has known me for more than 26 years or for 6 months, the 1 thing these relationships appear to have in common is that once they know me, they get sick of me being my genuine authentic self and trusting them with what is going on in my mind, heart, and life and no longer trusting me for reasons unknown, with what is going on inside their minds, hearts, or lives. So I am left with the bite of info I knew from before they acted that way, or what they posted online, and wondering what I did wrong to make them not want to be around me and to not trust me anymore.

I am human, I make mistakes. I’m not perfect, but I never claimed to ne or acted like I was. I make mistakes, I have feelings, I have a hard time handling stressful situations/circumstances, and need someone I can trust to help me even just by listening and being there, and who trusts me to be there and listen without judgment because I am not Jesus that I have the right to judge anyone else.

And that has been an issue in some of these relationships where I got abandoned! The other person mistook my caring about them and my concern for their hearts, souls, and wellbeing for judgment and refused to consider they were wrong and misunderstood me and were not interested in making amends because they were more interested in being right so they could justify in their minds their horrible behavior towards me. But the problem is they were completely wrong but no one likes hearing they are wrong and few admit it. I do. When I am wrong, I say it. I admit it completely and ask for forgiveness be it from God, the other person, or Both.

So where does that leave me? I apoligize even when I am not wrong because the friendship means more to me than being right, but that rarely ever matters to the other person so I keep being left alone, miserable, confused, hurt, and wondering why God keeps letting people abandon me when I do the best I can to be faithful and loyal to God and to these abandoners and everyone else too.

So let’s finally get to the point of this post. God calls us to be our true, authentic selves with Him and with others, especially in our close relationships! So why is it that the more myself I try to be, the lonelier I get as people continue to abandon me despite how kind, caring, loyal, faithful, and supportive I was to them? Why is it so many people, even those who call themselves Christians bail at the first sign of trouble, or when feelings get too messy and too negative, when a person appears to be too needy? I am not a selfish person all about take take take! I give a whole lot more than I tend to get back in return, and when it is the other person I notice having a bad day or in some form of crisis mode, I ask what is going on, listen, and do my best to be encouraging and uplifting, and supportive of them. Yet at some point, I keep getting abandoned by these people.

I understand that feelings can get messy and negative, and can become uncomfortable since we do not like negative stuff, but you will not find a life, including your own, that is 100% sunshine, rainbows, and (hypoallergenic) puppies and there is happiness all the time! That is simply not how life works, not on this side of life, anyway. People get into disagreements, misunderstandings happen and feelings get hurt, life and relationships get messy, and people make mistakes! Everyone goes through difficult situations and needs people who will be there for them during those times and not only for the good times. More importantly, we alm need God and Jesus during these times as well as during the good times and the in-between.

We need Jesus always. And open communication that is honest, respectful, kind, conoassionate, and thoughtful is a key to healthy relationships. Love and trust are also very important keys. However, love without trust kills the love and kills the relationship eventually if the things causing the trust issues are not properly dealt with. And it will not just be the other person you are leaving all alone, but one day you will be all alone because you will have pushed everyone who ever caree about you away, including God. And what good is that for you? Relying on yourself will not get you far and will never get you solutions to the problems and difficult situations you encounter.

Some Bible verses that go along with this post are James 2:18-26 (faith without works is dead. Emphasis added by me. But that is what those verses are about), James 5:16 tells us to “confess our sins to one another and pray for each other so we can be healed. The earnest orayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.“, Galatians 6:1-2 tells us to help others who are overcome so they are not led astray and to share each other’s burdens, Romans 12:9-20 and 1 John in multiple different verses advises us that our love for others needs to be genuine and to express our love through action. The action can be as simple as being there in the other person’s life, listening, or more active like helping in whatever way you can, even if only through prayer, but in the ways God has blessed you to be able to help the friend or family member or other loved one (or sometimes a stranger or an enemy) needs your help.

And if you are being your true authentic self and allowing the people in your life to be their true authentic selves without bulking and running off when feelings and stuff gets too deep and situations- whether theirs, yours, or in both your lives – get complicated or sticky, staying is what is the true, authentic thing to do. Some days you may not be able to handle someone else’s problems because you are already overwhelmed by what is going on inside of you and in your life, and that is okay. But let the other person who is also struggling know in a gentle way and then you can each pray for each other and continue to check in regularly so you see how they are doing and let them know how you are doing so anxiety does not take over when someone begins to imagine worst case scenario like you are laying dead in a ditch or something because they are worried about you and have not heard from you in a long time but knew you were going through a rough time.

Yes, that has happened with me before with one or more of the relationships I mentioned where I was abandoned, and until I saw them post a status on Facebook, I was worried they were dead or in hospital sick or severely wounded in an accident or something. I have bad, debilitating anxiety so when I do not hear from someone for an extended period of time, my mind goes into panic mode on what is making them suddenly drop off the face of the earth (or offline and out of most people who care about them’s lives) until they are back online or a mutual friend hears from them. It comes with the territory of caring. People in your life need to know that you’re OK or what is making you not be okay so they can pray for you, and whenever it is possible, be of help even just by listening if in no other way.

So how about instead of running away from being their true authentic selves and seeing it as complaining, being too negative, or attention-seeking, you see it how it is meant to be seen: as the person trusting you, drowning and needing someone who cares to listen and be there in their life, and being their true self and not hiding anything from you? Secrets, especially things that have the potential to effect the other person, can damage the trust and endanger the relationship. That is why people like me try to be authentic and not hide things from our loved ones, especially things we think might effect you in some way. Instead of running away from autentic people being their true selves and trusting you to be able to handle it without running or abandoning them, how about you try being your true authentic self and remember truth, trust, kindness, respect, compassion and understanding, and forgiveness when necessary? Perhaps if everyone learned to accept and love themselves in healthy ways, and could be loving and accepting of everyone they care about, then we could all be free to be our true authentic selves and instead of anxiety, stress, and depression we could feel peace, comforted, loved, acceptrd, misunderstood, and everyone could get along and love would spread all around the world instead of hate, distrust, anxiety, depression and selfishness. Love and peace make the world around us a better place to live, and make our relationships healthy. Connect to Jesus first, then yourself with genuine love and proper self-care and then to others from a place of abundant love and inner peace of mind and heart.

Consider this: whenever discord, hate, mistrust, anxiety, fepressiondepression greed, and selfishness flourish, Satan wins. However, when love, trust, peace, patience, forgiveness and understanding, acceptance, kindness, compassion, respect, and open honest (and respectful) communication flourish, God’s Kingdom advances and He receives glory and honor and blesses our relationships, health, finances, and all other areas of our lives because He is pleased by the way we are conducting ourselves and living our lives. So what do you want to flourish: Satan’s schemes, which lead to destruction and death, or God’s purpose for us in all areas of our lives where peace through all circumstances results? Think about it please, and choose wisely – not according to worldly wisdom, but God’s wisdom.

I am not sitting hear judging anyone who abandoned me or anyone else. I do understand what it is like to be overwhelmed and not be able to handle anything going on with you, much less someone else’s problems. But that is when you gently let the person know you are sorry but at this time you cannot handle anything and you pray for them and give them the chance to pray for you, instead of just disappearing for long periods of time or completely abandoning them with no notice or reason why. Trust them to understand and give you the space you need, and check in with them regularly so they know you’re alive and still in their life and want to be. Trust them to respond in love and understanding.

Thank you to all who took time to read this, and for those who will actually take time to think about and reflect in what I had to say about being your true self always, and allowing everyone in your life to be their true authentic selves without running or abandoning them when they need you. God bless!

My Absence

Dear faithful readers,

Please forgive my really long absence. I was hit by a car on December 12, 2017 and have not recovered well as of yet. Been busy with pain and endless doctor appointments. Please accept my apologies, which are sincere.

A couple of months ago, I began this 28 day boot camp, which I only made halfway through due to day 15 needing something I did not have at the time and well since then, I do not know why I do not move forward. I am hoping to do so soon though.

Anyhow, I created a couple of documents for a couple of the days where it was required. I got very creative too. I was thinking of posting 1 or 2 of these documents, or stuff like photos from the documents depending if I can attach the documents as a post or not from my phone. They are things that could help anyone who is plagued with negative thoughts about themselves and their lives/situation.

#HappyNewYear to you all, and may God bless us all for 2019 to be our best year yetand filled with healing, strength, love, comfort when needed, peace, joy, prosperity and whatever else anyone stands in need of, in the name of Jesus!

Status Update 

Dear faithful readers,

I apologize for being quiet lately. I was working on my collaborative book (my part of it and also keeping in contact with my co-author). And the other night my screen somehow got cracked on my laptop and I have no idea how. And tonight it wouldn’t load my desktop view but went to a white screen with the crack marks still visible, but now white with the rest of the screen instead of normal screen with black screen cracks. Book sales are not going well and I can’t work so I don’t know what to do about my laptop if it turns out warranty has expired.

Anyhow that’s what has been going on with me. My book sale is meant to end tomorrow  (October 10th), but until my laptop refused to work tonight, I had thoughts about possibly bringing out another edition, with same stuff but a bit more…like stuff about bullying, and anything else God would have me add to it. And if I were to do that, it’d make more sense to leave my current ebook edition as is with current reduced price added just make the 2nd edition $3.99 instead. But we will see… 

I need my laptop to write!! I tried writing info to add to my collaborative book here on my phone and it is very frustrating.

On a slightly brighter note, I am thankful for the church congregation I moved to earlier this year. They are kind, most are really compassionate, and they have helped me help my friend. My fundraiser got nothing because no one online wanted to help, but the members of my church gave what they were able to! I am so thankful to God and to everyone who gave and to the woman who helped me with collections.

I will still be doing # HurricaneRelief for #Texas, #Florida, and depending on book sales possibly other places effected by hurricanes, flooding, tornadoes, or fires. So far, only 3 sales and a few pages of my ebook read for free on #KindleUnlimited so only $2.50 to give so far…if people open their hearts and minds to learn more about Jesus and God and God’s loving nature and decide to get my books and read it, then they will also be helping me better help with hurricane relief. 

I don’t pretend to know everything about God or Jesus or Scripture, but I did share what I’ve learned so far with everyone in the book with my experiences I turned into advice with Scripture that goes with the subject or topic. And for those who do know Jesus but need hope to get through difficult times and/or stronger faith, depending how long your own walk has been with Jesus, my book could help, possibly. My writing style is kind of free style but I’ve seen other authors use the same or similar writing style and they are doing well so I’m hoping people can focus on the messages and advice the Holy Spirit helped me write with God’s Word (Scripture) and find something in my book that is helpful to them, even if just the knowledge that they are not alone in their struggles, and that Jesus does love them unconditionally.

Have a blessed week all! 

May the LORD bless you and protect you. May the LORD smile on you and be gracious to you. May the LORD show you His favor and give you His peace.Numbers 6:24-26.

My (Alexis Kaye’s) Story in a Nutshell

Dear faithful readers,

Can you please read this and tell me if you think this is enough info on me, or if I ought to turn this into a book about my personal life and maybe add like things I am doing to work to get over the bullying I endured as a kid and how to handle it when it happens as an adult (though I do not know how right now), and to overcome or handle my depression, anxiety, and PTSD? And is there other stuff about me that ought to be included like favorites and least favorites and so on? I’d take out the “_In a Nutshell”¬†if¬†people wanted to read a longer version of my story. Also, is it a story worth self-publishing? I want people to get to know me and at least try to understand why I am the way that I am, and that I am working on overcoming my obstacles and struggles, including my physical¬†and¬†other illnesses (depression, anxiety, PTSD). Also, I want other sufferers to know they are not alone, or a¬†“bad Christian”¬†for having mental/invisible illnesses they are struggling to deal with or overcome.

Please be respectful in comments or they will be deleted (This is to any bullies who may be lurking, not to my readers whom I trust and love).

Thank you!



Alexis Kaye’s Story_In A Nutshell

I grew up in a small town in New Jersey. I was severely teased and bullied, especially in first grade through 9th grade. In 9th grade, 2 of the bullies apologized to me. The others either stopped paying any attention or mind to me at all or moved eventually. Then I moved, with my mom, to northern California in 2000 when I was 17. It was my senior year of high school and I was the new girl. Nobody bullied me, but some people did not believe certain things about me, like that I was a virgin. As they got to know me though, they came around and knew I was honest with them about my values and who I was. I even got respected for being a virgin and for Not drinking Or doing  drugs, and for not smoking.

It was a pleasant change to be liked, but the damage from the emotional abuse and bullying I had endured made me super shy abused had taken its toll on me. Of course it didn’t fully take its toll on me until adulthood, especially after my mom died in 2006, or well, a year previous when I was looking after her. In 2005 I saw just how great a peacemaker my mom had been. And when she died, any peace I had was taken from me too and a part of me died with her.

I suffer from PTSD, and debilitating anxiety and depression that prevent me from being able to work. Whenever I tried to work, from 17 years of age (1st job) to the volunteer job I had a few summers so at the Library a few blocks away, I would get sick or injured and have to stop working. It was severe migraine headaches the first time with my first job at a local movie theater in October of 2000 – as usher or concession stand depending on the day and shift, and there were more days than I would like where the nurse sent me home from school sick because of the severity of them, and I had to leave work early a couple of times. The final time, the lady boss (there were 2 bosses) wouldn’t let me leave even though my mom had come to pick me up. My mom had to step in and tell her that she was taking me home and took me home because of how much pain I was in. And the migraines stayed for several months after I quit my job one month into it.

The 2nd job, at a fast food place on campus where I made sandwiches or handled the payments from customers as cashier, from October 2005 until April 2006 I developed anemia and was missing a ton of my classes at University and work. It got to the point where I had to tell my boss – whom I was blessed was also and mentor and friend since my freshman year – that I was being unreliable and she deserved better and I quit so she didn’t have to fire me, and she was relieved that I quit because she was concerned about my health, and She didn’t want to fire me.

My volunteer job at the local library I enjoyed most in summer 2014-September 2015. I enjoyed it so much I kept working even when I sprained my ankle, or re-sprained it, since I had first sprained it back in 2003. I actually did great until my boss retired and a new lady was hired. We did not get along and she did not help me with rescheduling my story time days when a conflict came up and I had a weekly therapy appointment after starting it after an incident That occurred a few months prior to me beginning therapy. She also did not help me at all with the monthly crafts I was hosting in advertising and picking a day when nothing else was going on. My last craft before I quit only had 3 kids showing up, where prior to that anywhere between 10 to 20 kids plus parents showed up to do crafts with their kids. And shortly after I quit, I realized how burned out I had been because I was sick lots too.

I’ve always had a week immune system, but I notice whenever I work too hard I get overwhelmed and I get sick. When I keep getting sick, I become unreliable as well as unhealthy – so it was not good for any employers or for me. Basically, anxiety and stress become so bad I get physically ill ¬†(and always a different illness) and have to stop working/quit.

When I say I am unable to work, this is why. I am not lazy Or irresponsible. I’m¬†not¬†just making excuses either. I have mental/emotional disabilities that prevent¬† me from working a regular job (I am a writer, and self-published author). Just because my disabilities are not physical or visible does not make them invalid, excuses, or nonexistent. You (a general “you”, not everyone or anyone in particular) see someone in a wheelchair who doesn’t work and you totally understand because you can see their disability. But people look at me and see nothing wrong so assume the worst about me and judge me without even trying to understand. I sometimes even get bullied for it by people who do not have anxiety, depression or PTSD and so the don’t understand the struggles I face daily or care enough to try to understand on any level at all.

That is why I thank God for blessing me with friends who do understand because they too suffer either from the same invisible illnesses as me or similar ones like bipolar. And I have my relatives in England and 2 in Australia since they moved there who at least want to understand and try to. They don’t really understand, but they try because they love me. I thank God for them too.

In April of 2012 I was saved when I came to the LORD and was baptized after confessing Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I thought that after everything I had heard about Jesus and the Holy Spirit that I would feel different and immediately¬†feel peace. I was disappointed when I didn’t, but my brothers and sisters in Christ assured me that it was a process that took time and not to get discouraged. I have changed, slowly, in the last 5 years and few months, but not significantly enough for my liking. Also apparently not enough for the minister who baptized me’s liking because he kept getting on my case about things and tried making me feel guilty for not being further along in my walk and because of my depression and anxiety. He kept telling me they are sins, which I know, and making me feel guilty. I started going to another church part-time when I needed to get away from the guilt trips and the Pastor at the other congregation said it was wrong to make me feel bad for my anxiety or depression. Also, I know about Elijah and King David and others who experienced either anxiety, depression, or both at one point (like Jeremiah) in the Bible but God never condemned them or judged them or abandoned them. Instead He encouraged them and gave them strength and courage to keep going and to not give up on life or on His purpose for them.

I recently self-published an inspirational book I wrote about my experiences in the past few years turned into advice with Scripture that relates to the topic I talk about. People are motivated buying it. A few did in July, a couple in August and 1 or 2 this month so far but that’s it. I feel invisible and like no one cares, which is how I have felt most ¬†of my life. I am not blaming anyone, but if people did not keep mistreating me, ignoring me, acting like I carry a deadly infectious plague that could kill them, or like dirt/with cruelty then I would not feel like nobody cares or invisible, or unloved and unwanted. I understand now, as an adult, that it is me who is responsible for my levels of joy and peace I have and for my happiness, but I have over 30 years of emotional abuse and poor treatment to overcome, and when both of these things are still ongoing at times, it makes it harder to overcome them and feel joy or peace. I am still learning how it is possible to have peace when people do not want to be around you and those who are around can be emotionally abusive and/or treat me badly. I am learning how it is possible to love myself properly when it appears no one else does.

Jesus and His followers are teaching me, but I am having a hard time learning. I struggle daily just like everyone else. Everyone has their own problems and some similar to mine, others completely different, but struggles nonetheless. But though I struggle daily, it does not make my advice any less valuable or true since it comes from God and I use Scripture to show it/back it up. For those who do not know Jesus or who are confused , or need encouragement, and/or stronger faith in Jesus and in the One True God, I have things to say in my book that could help, if given a chance.

I wrote my book for those who need it, not for those further in their walk than me who do not need a reminder of some truths, if they have not been forgotten by the person who knows them. I am still learning how to take good care of myself, but I have always been good at helping others. Most of my friends used to come to me for advice all the time. And they always said I gave excellent advice. The only thing that has changed in my advice is that I now have even better advice to give through daily Bible study. I try to discern when to use Scripture and when not to, depending on the person and if the are open to it or not, but it is sound advice. And now it is available for everyone to read in the form of an inspirational  eBook and in paperback too.

I have lost friends over the past few years for a couple of different reasons, ¬†but the main reason Is my faith in Jesus and my daily attempts and struggles to live for Jesus daily. And some people have told me I was high maintenance or too much of a downer (the 2nd one I was told like 2 years after my mom passed away when I was still grieving her loss after that hurt after lot). It seems some ca not handle my anxiety and depression anymore and so we either do not talk at all, or rarely do and it makes me really sad. What makes me sadder still is some of them have their own battles with depression and/or anxiety they deal with daily and I no longer know how to reach them and help them through those times because they won’t let me anymore. So they’re not there for me anymore and they won’t let me be there for them. I get it… physical distance separates us, and that’s hard to overcome, but it didn’t used to be and I don’t get why it suddenly is. I don’t judge these friends or hate them or begrudge them. I pray for them a the time and hope one day their lives will turn around for the better and that mine will too and we can all celebrate our better lives, together, in person. I love a my friends, and I still love those who walked away from our friendship too. My love is unconditional and the only way I know how to love, which is the way Jesus loves each and every one of us too.

I want to help those in need more than I do now, but due to not being able to work and book sales not going well, I am currently unable to which leaves me full of anxiety for my friends, and even for those I don’t know who need help that I can’t give them, and it leaves me frustrated because I desperately want to help but can’t; but people who can help will not, just like in my own life. I get some help. I live with my sister rent free because of a promise she made to my mom before she died. But doctors who could help me fix or heal my broken nose, and some other physical illnesses won’t help and aside from being poor and on MediCal for health insurance, I don’t understand their unwillingness to help me get well. And I both know, and know of too many other people with injuries or physical or mental illnesses and no doctors will help them either.

So why do those in a position to help generally either not help or give bare minimum when those who desperately want to help can’t because no money or resources to help? Some who can help do help, and God will bless them, but too who can help in one way or another don’t. I am not trying to many anybody feel guilty And I’m not ¬†judging anyone. I just sincerely don’t get it. I especially don’t get why doctors will not help those who can’t afford to pay or who have MediCal for health coverage. MediCal pays the doctor’s bill, so what’s the problem?

Also, just because someone suffers from an invisible illness where you can’t see their symptoms or daily struggles does not mean they don’t struggle or that they are lepers or contagious or to be treated badly by anyone, whether doctor or nurse, family member or friend, or boss or coworkers for those who do work despite their illnesses, or by any person including strangers. And everyone suffers from physical illnesses differently too so it is not right to judge anyone for not being able to do something someone else can do with the same illness – like asthma, for example. In fact, only Jesus has the right to judge anyone¬†because He alone knows exactly what each of us experiences and goes through everyday, and God gave Jesus alone the right to judge, which will not take place until His second coming – which no one knows when it will take place so we ought to be prepared daily in case it happens tonight or tomorrow!



September 12, 2017

I just got a mean and spiteful comment from someone.

Let me make something crystal clear to you (the jerk who tried posting a rude unkind and probably untrue comment on my previous post), and to anyone like him who does NOT have Jesus in their heart or lives:

I write for Jesus and for those who are interested in hearing the truth about God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, the Holy Bible and myself the Scripture contained in it. I write for those who have Jesus in their hearts or who want to have Jesus in their hearts and part of their every day life. 

So if you have no interest in hearing or reading about anything having to do with God or Jesus then you have the option to keep scrolling and to the not read my blogs. But I posted a few years back that I will not tolerate unkindness or rudeness or anyone being mean, and I’m not about to change that now. If you aren’t interested in God or Jesus or anything the Bible has to say, don’t read my blogs. And if you do read it and have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all. I don’t write to please everyone, I write to please God and to share my experiences in my walk with Jesus, and to teach those who don’t know the truth but want to, and who seek the truth and who need encouragement and to know they’re not alone in their struggles and who need to know no matter what they do, Jesus loves them and forgives them when they confess their sins (1 John 1:9).

To my faithful readers who keep coming back, and to new readers who will come back in the future, I truly am thankful to God for you. May God bless you greatly! 

Haters back off! 

I pray in the name of Jesus for God to open the minds (remove the veils), hearts, eyes (remove the scales), and ears (remove the plugs from them) of those like the person who left me a hateful comment that I immediately deleted, and also do this for him as well. I know your will is for everyone to be saved (2 Peter 3:9), and that nothing is too hard for You (Genesis 18:14). 

I also so pray for peace of mind also land heart and to not be so sensitive to the negative and hurtful things others say to or about me.

I also pray for unity in Christ with all believers, and that all who are not currently with tooling she LORD to open their minds and hearts, believe and accept Your Truth, which is the only real Truth, and turn their lives around and their hearts to follow Jesus and live for Him. Let things like hate, greed, selfishness, and the problems of the world created by these things (like hate crimes and terrorism and murder, and also sickness, disease, pain, and broken relationships and so on and so forth) melt away and let everyone be united in Christ and show themselves and one another the love of Christ and let us all live in peace and harmony together. I offer all prayers in Jesus’ name!


August 15, 2017

Hey everyone, before I go to bed, I just wanted to share with you that I am now part of GoodReads. They are reviewing my information to declare my profile to be an author one and since I just filled out the information they asked for, I am waiting to hear from them about it.

You can find my GoodReads profile here:

If you want to add me/follow me on there and want me to follow you on there, feel free to add me. I try to follow back as many people as I can, as long as their content is clean and does not go against what I believe (my faith in God). Thank you for stopping by to read my latest update! Goodnight/day everyone and God bless!




Dear readers,

Last night I received the “green light” I was looking for from God to self-publish my book with Kindle Direct Publishing. I published it last night, and it went live today!!!!!!!! If anyone is interested, here is the link below:

KDP is in the process of making changes to my name I hope because I updated it to “Alexis Kaye Wright” so I will be keeping track of that, but it is ready for sale now. ***Update – It looks like the¬†changes are complete!¬†Woohoo!!! ****¬†It is only $3.99, and if at the end of the 60 day period, when I get paid, if I have enough in royalties to publish it in paperback, I will. But for now, it is eBook only and only with Kindle at the moment. I am so excited I can barely contain it, but the people I want to tell live too far away to tell in person so I am just about to burst with excitement here! I praise the LORD for this incredible blessing of making it my time to be published! His Holy Spirit helped me write it, and I wrote it to glorify God and to reach others and help draw them near to the LORD God.

I prayed without ceasing as I was told to in Scripture (1 Thessalonians 5:17), I committed my plans to the LORD as Solomon instructed in Proverbs 16:3, and now I am super thankful to the LORD for making it happen and that I am now a published author! Thank You LORD, for this amazing blessing!

If anyone does buy it, if they are willing, can you please give me feedback? It is pretty much a compilation of the best blogs I posted on here with a couple of stuff I have not posted here and like acknowledgements and stuff. My hope is this book will bring hope, inspiration, and draw whoever reads it close (or closer) to the LORD. It is a book for anyone whether they are non-believers, non-believers on the fence who are unsure, new believers, and even seasoned believers. And if any seasoned believers read it, if there are any suggestions or comments about my book, please feel free to tell me, in kind respectful ways. God bless to all of you! This would not be possible without you guys for reading my blogs and encouraging me as you have! God gets all the credit, but you, my readers, I also thank all of you.

Merry Christmas!

Luke 2:4-7

4And because Joseph was a descendant of King David, he had to go to Bethlehem in Judea, David’s ancient home. He traveled there from the village of Nazareth in Galilee. 5He took with him Mary, his fiancée, who was now obviously pregnant.6And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born. 7She gave birth to her first child, a son. She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them.

Jesus was born this day over 2,000 years ago and fulfilled the prophesy from Isaiah in Isaiah 9:6 –> 6For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Now He reigns above in Heaven with God, the Father and mediates for us at God’s right hand. He loves all of us, including you, unconditionally!

One of my nephews and his mommy (my sister) woke me up at 8am to open presents (which for the first time in several years I actually had some to open). I then ate breakfast and played with both my nephews until a quarter to 11. I had only gotten about an hour of sleep so at abut 11am I went back to sleep until about a quarter to 5pm. Just waiting for Christmas dinner to be done cooking so we can all eat! What did you do today? Whatever it was, I hope it was an amazing day for you all!

Hope everyone had a Blessed, Peaceful, and Joyous Christmas! Lots of love from the Lord and from me!



Update to my Author Web Site

Dear readers,

I made some edits and updates to my author web site. I renamed all 5 pages and added a photo on the About Me page. Check out all 5 pages and let me know what you think please. I am still looking for the right publishing company who believes in paying the author and then only taking  25%- 30% royalties and leaving 70%- 75% royalties (or more) to me and taking that small percentage as their payment after my book has not only been published, but sold enough copies to start seeing money in the form of royalties.

My goals are to reach as many people: thousands, or even millions of people with advice about faith in the LORD so I can encourage and inspire their relationship/to enter into a right relationship with Jesus; and also to be able to make a living from my writing since God placed the passion for writing, for Him/Jesus, and for reaching, inspiring, and encouraging others in me, so surely He has a good plan that includes me being a published author of multiple books over the rest of my lifetime, and more. I want to reach everyone who is not currently in a right relationship with God. I know that will not happen, but if I can reach even one more person (or realistically, hundreds or thousands of people enough to read the book, and pick up a Bible to read with my book), then God and all of Heaven will rejoice, and I will too.

Prayers, and any other form of help my readers are willing to give me would be greatly appreciated. And if you need help getting your book or other kinds of writings published, let me know and I will help any way I can.

Any helpful (constructive in a respectful way) feedback, especially if you have been published, would be helpful and appreciated, thank you! God bless you all!


Alexis Kaye