(More) Advice About True Love

Advice About True Love

Why do people keep their feelings about someone or something going on in their heart, or in their lives, to themselves? If you are in love with someone, you should tell them and you should show it through your actions daily as well. When two people are in love with one another (and both have been made aware of it and are together), they (along with the person silently in love with someone,) need to realize that life is too short to play games or to remain silent about how they are feeling or what is going on with them. You only get one shot at life, and finding true love is rare. If God has blessed you to find your true love, you should do whatever it takes to be together and to show one another daily how much you love them, treasure them, and value and cherish them.

The lines of communication need to always be open and honest, respectful, and kind (if not loving). If you are feeling scared about the two of you, about work, or about anything, tell your true love. Are you feeling under-appreciated or unloved by them? Or possibly unsupported? Tell them! Let them know in a kind, but straightforward way. Do you look at your true love and think how amazing they are or how beautiful (or handsome) they are and how blessed you feel to have found them? Tell them, and show them! Put actions behind your words. Your significant other/spouse needs to know how you are feeling and actions and words should go together, and both be in alignment (as in, when you tell them you love them, your actions express it and let them know). No grand gestures are needed (unless you have royally screwed up, in which case, a grand gesture from the heart wouldn’t hurt), just something as simple as hand-holding, or stealing a kiss. Remembering his or her favorite movie or band, or favorite place to eat or to hang out and making a note to do something with it. For example, if you know your woman’s favorite movie is The Notebook, you have a date night dedicated to staying in and either cooking or ordering out her favorite food to eat and then watching the movie with her. Or, if you know your true love’s favorite hangout place is the beach, then plan a romantic day/evening there with them. Are you going through something? Let your spouse/significant other know, even if you cannot explain it, or don’t even understand why you are feeling the way you do.

There would be less break-ups, divorces and misunderstandings if people would keep the lines of communication open and  honest, respectful, and kind, and would stop taking their loved ones for granted. When you truly love someone, it is important to make an effort to show it and to work at staying together, no matter what. True love, like all relationships, require work, effort, time, and both people willing to put forth this effort in daily. When two people are meant to be together, they will be and they will grow together, but only if they put in the work required to continue to be the best version of themselves and do the work required to grow closer together, instead of apart. No matter what the two of you are going through, you can and will work it out when you remember that you love each other deeply and that it is love you are fighting for. Don’t give up or leave, or become cold and distant when things get rough. All couples go through rough patches throughout their relationships when they are long term and in it for the rest of their lifetime/forever, and both people know without a doubt that they are meant to be together forever. And you will know when it is true love.

If you grow apart, then either you never had true love with the other person, or something happened to make one of you stop growing while the other one continued to grow. When you are not in love with the other person and you have stopped loving them the way you once did (or thought you did), then be open and honest with them and kindly and gently tell them how you feel. Let them also know how sorry you genuinely are and that you know they deserve nothing less than true love. Do not stay together for kids, out of loneliness, or out of any form of convenience, if the love is not there (on both sides). When you have kids and they are stuck in the middle, they suffer the worst when you stay together and always fight, or don’t speak at all. Whether or not kids are involved, the two of you both end up suffering and being miserable when the love just is not there but you force yourselves to stay together. This is why you should not rush into marriage. Take time to get to know each other and show your true colors from the beginning so that the other person gets to know the real you and you get to know the real them. Wait for the right time to get engaged, and then take a year (or as close to a year as possible) or more to properly plan the dream wedding the woman has been planning since she was a little girl, and to make sure your husband-to-be’s input gets in there somewhere so that it is a special day for both of you and not just for the bride. The advice I just gave though, is for people who either rushed into marriage too soon, or thought they would last forever but forever came to an end sooner than expected (since in the true forever, there is no end).

So how do you know if it is true love? There is the heart skipping a beat whenever the person you’re in love with walks into the room, just thinking of them, or when their name is mentioned and you also light up; You have a smile on your face that won’t go away when they come into the same room as you, or when you are talking on the phone (or via text) or on video chat with them, when you talk about them, or when their name is mentioned ; just the sound of their name puts you in a good mood and makes you excited to see them again ; when you miss them when they are not there in the same room as you; these are all signs that you are in love. However, it is also more than this when it is true love. True love is patient and kind, is not rude or irritable and keeps no record of being wronged. True love does not rejoice about injustice (or think about revenge), but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. True (real) love never gives up, never loses hope, and endures through every circumstance (look to 1 Corinthians 13:4-7). True love is also faithful, loyal, respectful, thoughtful, generous, and giving (without respecting in return). When you truly love someone, their happiness becomes more important to you than yours (where it comes to being together). Two people should be healthy and whole before entering a relationship with someone so that they do not end up relying on the other person for their happiness and can focus on just being happier with them and not dependent on them.

When you find your true love, they are meant ti add to your happiness, not be your source of it. Do not put unrealistic expectations on one another. You alone are responsible for your happiness and peace. And both of you should have financial stability, but especially the man because that is how God intended it to be. Just look to Genesis 1. In chapter 1, after God created man, but before creating woman, God put him (Adam) in charge of the animals and the land to work and take care of them all (the rest of God’s creation). It is okay for the woman to work, but she should not be the one supporting both of them for their whole lives together as husband and wife. The man should be responsible where God tells him to be, and the woman should be where God has said she should be (being caretaker, supportive wife, mother to their children, etc.). Just open your bible and read Genesis 1-3 and also look up other verses on husbands and wives to see how they are meant to act. In Ephesians 5:21-33, is one place where we are told how wives should treat their husbands and how husbands should treat their wives. Wives are told to submit to and respect their husbands, and husbands are told to love their wives as they love themselves, for if they show hatred for their wives or mistreat them, they are showing hate for themselves. This is true whether or not you believe in God and follow his Son Jesus’ ways. But it is also true that you cannot truly love yourself or anyone else if you do not know God’s love and accept it into your heart.

What you should expect when you truly love one another, is that just like all couples, you will have difficulties and go through rough times together. There will be disagreements. Here is the key though: make every effort to hear and understand what the other person is saying and to communicate in a calm, clear, open, honest and respectful and kind way how you feel. You should both do this, and then you will be able to reach a peaceful resolution and grow closer as you gain understanding of what the other person was feeling instead of getting angry, offended, or upset and screaming. Do not let arguments turn into shouting matches or full-blown fights, and never go to bed angry (Ephesians 4:26). If you cannot come to a peaceful resolution before going to sleep, then agree to sleep on it and let peace settle in so that you will both be able to resolve it peacefully on a full night of restful sleep. You should also expect love and faithfulness, and should give love and be faithful to them. Giving and showing kindness, expecting nothing in return, are the highest forms of love. Forgiving constantly and being (and showing) understanding are also crucial for the relationship to survive. You both have to want to stay together and be willing to do whatever it takes (without letting go of your morals or values), to work things out during the difficult times. But, do not tolerate abuse, including neglect, and do not be abusive or neglectful. Love does not cause pain (people do), but is healing and brings joy to the giver as well as to the recipient of the love.

Do all of this, and you will be able to make it through everything and will continue to grow closer to one another, and you will make it through until forever. And remember, true love does not end when one of you dies. My grandfather passed away last November, and then twelve days later, my Nana passed away (on the day of my grandfather’s funeral in fact). Death cannot separate true love. Just look at the example of Jesus. Death could not keep Jesus in his grave because Jesus is God (since he is God’s Son) and God is love. Without God, there is no love. You can feel the “feeling” part of love, but will not experience true love as characterized in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 or in other places of the bible where aspects of love are mentioned. Love is a choice. When we choose to live in love for God, (healthy love) for ourselves, and a godly love for others, then you will be more at peace and happier and God will bless you more for doing his will, since the laws can be summed up if you follow the most important ones: Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength; love one another as you love yourself (and also as Christ loved you, and Christ loved you enough to die for you to save your life). let love guide all of your relationships and all you do.

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